oops, I've neglected my blog.....

2008-08-07T16:45:00.000-07:00

My brother, who is an excellent writer had finally started a blog, which reminded me that I had a blog of my own that I've been neglecting. The reason that I have neglected you dear blog, is that I have recreated a life, that is phenomenal and busy and wonderful. I guess the recreating continues, but so far I'm finding I am too busy doing life, to have time to write about life!

But this is kind of cathardic, so who knows? Maybe I will find the time to blog, once again.

Pick yourself up, dust yourself off.....

2007-09-30T16:34:00.000-07:00

[Photo] My Rhapsody Playlist

and start all over again. At some point after Jeff, the owner of the company that had just hired me as their new Sales Manager, came into my office, closed the door behind him and announced that they decided that they were going to manage the sales force themselves and that I no longer had a job, that tune kept playing itself over and over in my head. Jeff went on and on about how sorry he was to have me relocate to a new area only to let me go less than four months later. How I can either live in the company owned condo that I had just moved into for 3 months rent free or he can give me $1500 so I could move out. As I sat there in my newly decorated corner office with the great view of the woods behind the building I grew more and more numb. Jeff said that he hated himself for having to do this, to which I immediately replied, "not as much as I hate..." then I stopped myself. I'm too nice, too polite, too much of an idiot to say what I was about to. Instead of saying you, I said, myself. Ouch. I am familiar with various stages of grief that you go through when you are blindsided by something that is going to change your life in a dramatic and unknown way. I felt many of the same feelings that I had 15 years before when my husband announced that he didn't love me after all and that he wanted a divorce. All the what ifs and what abouts don't seem to matter. As I sat their in total disbelief that Jeff was actually firing me, he kept talking (a sales technique that all good salespeople know.... just shut up and the other person will keep talking until the truth comes out). He actually said that I would make a good secretary. To that one I cringed and said ouch out loud. After all, I was the secretary for a high placed executive in a 4 billion dollar company when Jeff hired me. What he didn't know is that my former boss Rick said that I didn't have the personality to be a secretary, that I would be excellent in sales. Now, armed with my new, $42,000 business management degree, this man was telling me that I would be a good secretary. As I sat there stunned, Jeff kept rattling on, until the truth came out. We both knew that I had very little experience in the industry, but it was determined that wouldn't matter. Any industry related problem could be referred to one of the assistant managers and it was my job to encourage the troops, to light a fire under them, to inspire them. In the few short months that I was there, I was making huge head way with a number of the under achievers. But my lack of experience was more detrimental than either of us thought it would be. Instead of just admitting that he made a mistake, Jeff tried to turn it around to make it my fault. Typical of a man breaking up with you. Apparently it doesn't matter what kind of relationship is ending, the way they go about it is always the same.

Okay, I'm going to stop going down this path now. I am not recreating anything but the story by going on and on about this. It happened. It was painful. It was/is confusing. It was/is unfair. But it happened. So.... I picked myself up, dusted myself off and I started all over again! Within two weeks, I sold everything I owned, returned my new plasma TV (thank God it was still within the return period), took the $1500 that the cheap assholes promised me and I left. I moved back to the west coast. Back to where people didn't scowl disapprovingly when I expressed my joy of being alive by singing as I entered the office. Back to where I could joke and flirt with people, old men, young men, married men and even women without this look of panic coming over their faces. People on the west coast are laid back, as such, they aren't afraid or judgemental of what the motivations of people around them are. I can't tell you how many times my natural, gregarious way of being was misinterpreted as a come on. I was told that I could be "over the top". But here, I am told that I am delightful, that I am fun and funny, cheerful, upbeat, positive.

For 5 years I lived in that small mid-western community. Even though my purpose for moving there in the first place was a good one, an honorable one, it was a difficult situation that I was walking into. To top it off, I was an outsider and that was quite clear as I tried to integrate myself into the community. I soon became extremely depressed and it was only by the grace of my spirit guides that I survived my time there.When Jeff fired me, it was devastating.... at first. I believe that tune Pick yourself up, dust yourself off and start all over again... was placed in my head by my spirit guides. I needed to leave there and come home.

But.... what and where was home?

Recreating Kelly

oops, I've neglected my blog.....

Pick yourself up, dust yourself off.....